I guess I've felt it encroaching, but this morning it really hit me. I knew living in this cocoon couldn't last forever, but it was just so darn sweet. I've been so peaceful and mellow, totally content just cuddling with my baby. But I guess the lack of sleep accumulates, the adrenaline from the birth dissipates, and your hormone depletion starts to kick in. I woke up this morning, tired, frustrated and overwhelmed. Not about anything in particular. It had been somewhat of a rough night. My darling boy was being squirmy most of the night, I couldn't seem to get comfortable, and he wanted milk more than I thought he might.
But R took him for a little this morning and I was able to fade into a semi slumber for a short while before it was boob time again. But then I hold him and watch him suckle and am swept up in love again.
My midwife came for another visit yesterday. There will be 2 more visits and then we're on our own. They have been so amazing throughout this whole experience. So comforting to have. I wish all new moms could experience this kind of care. To be visited by your care provider in the comforts of your own home. To feel really held and cared for. The only downside is that you may just grow a little dependent on that care. I'm feeling slightly anxious that we'll be on our own soon. But they do try to wean you off them slowly, and make sure you're doing just fine. Plus, they hold new parent group meetings that we will definitely be attending.
My parents arrive this weekend. I've been so looking forward to having them here as I know their help is going to make life so much easier, especially since R will be back at work full time next week. But again I can't help but feel a little anxious again. I think it's the crumbling walls of this cocoon feeling. It's been so peaceful. I'm so reluctant to let go of this feeling. But it's been so beautiful, probably the most beautiful week of my life.
I remind myself to be flexible, to let myself move with the currents of time. Each day brings new joys with my son, and spending time with him in these early days with my parents will one day be memories I'll look back on tenderly.
It's so important to count your blessings. For one negative thought, one small fear can so quickly take hold of you and make you lose sight of everything else.
I hope you're ok mama! I'm sure that there are so many options for support and baby groups once you must must must exit the cocoon! :-) I guess San Fran may be better for that then HK... no doubt each day is an adventure, whether it's easy or hard. He must be growing more with every day!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, my turn to print out one of your quotes - your last paragraph was really inspiring, and lifted a cloudy mood that I had hanging over me all weekend. You are right, and I count my blessings :-)
xx